Every one of the paintings i've seen by Robert Ryan has made me psyched on life. I'd like to get Tattooed by him one day.
I cant help but look back at the BlackHistory myspace page. We had a lot of fun, we were a bit destructive but it was all for good times. Then Joe passed and you were heart broken and hurt and sick and I tried my best to be a good friend and be there for you. Little did I know. Little did any of us know, that the words you used to put to our music that showed so clearly how you felt. Would so clearly state how I feel every time your face comes to my mind. I wonder if others look back at your music. You're forever there, like all music or books, there will never be a past or future for those songs. They will be right there with you singing every time I push play.
From where I'm standing everythings faded and now I'm hanging on by heart strings. From where I'm standing everythings wasted and I'm holding on to nothing. It never gets better, it only gets worse. I hope these words will reach you, I'm giving up on giving in. What have I got to do to get the life back in to you? What have I got to do to kill the death inside of you? It's never enough, you give it your all and it never adds up.
Life can seem fuct.
Since relocating to Richmond, Vanessa and I have taken more steps in making sure were living a life we can be proud of. Or what I should say is, were taking steps to make sure our future life will be the life we want. Currently its just whatever, we both work opposite hours often so we only have the nights before we fall asleep to be together. We've become anti socialites, The few friends we have hardly see us because we hardly feel up to going out when the day is ending. And to be honest, I just don't want to go out and party. It just not what I want right now. One thing we def have been doing is getting good about food. we've always been healthier people but we have been taking our food more and more serious and I'm feeling very good because of it. I eat great healthy food daily and hardly pay a dollar to do so... Makes sense to me.
In the coming months we will begin to grow our own garden and hopefully that will be a rewarding project. All extra time I do have lately, I try to put into making out house a great living space, I believe food is an important part of this. And in other news, I'm considering taking some classes in the coming year. That's a big step, it's been quite a while. But I feel as if I'm finally finding things I feel I want to be a part of my life in the long term. And things in the long term are what really makes me happy lately.
I told mikevarga the other day "I just want to own a house with a nice yard so I can have a dog, A mini ramp, and a really great garden."
And I will, Just not now. For now, I'll live in this great old house with Tim, Ryan, Vanessa, and Riot girl. And we'll pay super cheap rent, we'll be a little cold in the winter and a bit hot in the summer. we'll keep working funny jobs, and we'll ride our bikes everyday, and we'll drink coffee and beers on the porch. Maybe on the roof. And we'll liberate our food from others waste, and grow some here and there and cook it all up in great delicious new ways. Maybe we'll make some music, we'll keep making art, and life will be just fine.